Q
From movies, television, books, and other mediums the nature of those

  • "I have come here to chew bubblegum & kick ass....and I'm all out of bubblegum." (Roddy Piper, in "They Live")
  • "I have prepared a statement from the station: 'Fuck you.' Thank you. If you have any questions, you may direct them to the brick wall over there." (Some character from "South Park")
  • "College is so unfair. They expect you to show up and do homework, even though no one's checking up on you. They treat you like you're an adult. I can't work like that." (J.T., from "Step by Step")
  • "It's better to be hated for something you are then loved for something you aren't." (I don't recall)
  • "You can't let some nicks, cuts, & contustions stop you from going. If I did, I'd never go anywhere." (Tim Taylor, from "Home Improvement)
  • "Hey! Hey! I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise! You leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again." (Apu, from "The Simpsons")
  • "You folks are free to roam the grounds. Just remember, one of our patients is a cannibal. Try to guess which one. I think you'll be plesantly surprised." (Calmwood Psychiactric Hospital Doctor, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Everything's too damn expensive nowadays. Look at this Bible I just bought. 15 bucks. And talk about preachy. Everybody's a sinner. Except this guy." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Well, your story's very compelling Mr. Jackass....I mean, Simpson. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter." (Cheif Wiggum, from "The Simpsons)
  • "Stealing?! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives the sermons at church? Captain What's-His-Name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Acadamy movies? For fun? Well, I ddin't hear anybody laughing! Did you?" (Homer, from "The Simpsons)
  • "Thank God for the faculty lounge. Our only refuge from those little bastards!" (The Principal, from "Beavis & Butthead)
  • "I'm quitting comedy. I just wanted to go out with a little class, you jackass." (Krusty, from "The Simpsons)
  • "Maybe he's right about Capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife & kids! Eat them!" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I've gotta work hard, honey. Daddy made a lot of crazy promises." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "This calls for drastic action. I may even have to leave the house." (Garfield, from "Garfield & Friends")
  • "So I said to the guy, 'Look buddy, your car was upside down when we got here, & as for your grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that.'" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Mothers say things. My mother goes babbling on & on like a crazy person." (George, from "Seinfeld")
  • "This is a very sophisti-macated do-whackey." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Your powers of deduction are impressive. I cannot allow you to waste them here while there are so many crimes going unsolved in the city at this very moment. Go!" (Comic Book Guy, from "The Simpsons")
  • "It's too bad stupididty isn't painful. Then maybe some of these people would go get some help." (Anton Szandor LaVey)
  • "I like my beer cold, my T.V. loud, and my homosexuals fl-aming!" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I remember when I found out there was no Santa Clause. I was so upset I almost lost control of the car." (Cooper, from "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper")
  • "I was free & clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!" (George, from "Seinfeld")
  • "Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor's paradise." (Jerry, from "Seinfeld")
  • "You should've seen her face. It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist." (George, from "Seinfeld")
  • "When I join an underground cult, I expect a little support from my family." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Oh, I have not been brainwash....kill the girl, kill the girl..." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "You're gambling again, aren't you? Oh, you weak, weak man!" (Newman, from "Seinfeld")
  • "Oh, it's been St. Patrick's day for hours & I'm still not drunk!" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "He's such an eloquent speaker that he could tell you, "Go to Hell," and you'd be looking forward to the trip." (Jerry Lawler, WWF commentator)
  • "Back, robots! Nobody ruins my family's vacation but me! And maybe the boy!" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "From now on I'm not giving my family anything but Hell." (Thelma, from "Mama's Family")
  • "Ohhhh, I feel like something crawled in my mouth & died. You's don't have a cat, do you's?" (I don't recall)
  • "She seems to be enjoying my company. We're obviously dealing with a very sick woman here." (Roy, from "Wings")
  • "This studio has quite a bit of history. Buddy Holly stood on this spot in 1958 and said, 'There is no way in Hell I'm going to record in this dump." (Recording studio dude, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Why'd you come to me? I don't know nothing. I used to get by on my looks, and now they're gone. Withered away like an old piece of fruit!" (Abe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "They don't call me Springfield Fats just because I'm morbidly obese." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Is he sitting with you there right now? Well, you tell that miserble old gray haired bastard to go fuck himself. We're going to trial......oh, and praise The Lord." (Larry Flynt, in "The People vs. Larry Flynt")
  • "What good is having God like powers if you don't abuse them?" (I don't recall)
  • "I'm down to 2 packs a day. That lung I had removed scared the Hell outta me." (I don't recall)
  • "Are you trying to say that I'm some kind of weenie that can't take care of himself? Well, lemme tell you, I'm not that kind of weenie." (Louis, in "Revenge of the Nerds II")
  • "I don't know what to do with the boy. I try, but with work, and T.V, and drinking there's just no time." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Can't a 100 degree day go by without you mentioning air conditioning?" (Al, from "Married With Children")
  • "If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half-assed. That's the American way." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "A new study shows that 25% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave their house, but 99% of men kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife." (Some comedian)
  • "All right, this is the busiest drinking day of the year. Where are the designated drivers?....Beat it. I got no room for freeloaders." (Moe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "My name is Moe. Or, as the ladies like to call me, 'Hey, you in the bushes." (Moe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "My dad left my mom after she got hooked on cough drops. By the end, her breath was so fresh...she wasn't really my mother anymore." (Nelson, from "The Simpsons")
  • "You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once and move on." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Let me tell you something no one's ever going to tell you: Looks matter and I got them." (Randy, from "Home Improvement")
  • "Don't encourage him. I'm trying to prevent an outbreak, & you're driving the monkey to the airport." (Hank, from "King of the Hill")
  • "He's just a little shy becuase I've tried to kill him so many times." (Sideshow Bob, from "The Simpsons")
  • "How can they think I'm a woman? My name's Jamie.....Holy smokes!" (Jamie, from a show I can't recall the name of)
  • "Have you gone waxy in your peaster?" (Willy, from "The Simpsons")
  • "You never should have asked her to marry you. You're the mad smotherer." (Rick, in "The Cable Guy")
  • "This is bad. You spend your life to build up a business, then you lose one corpse & it's all down the drain." (Joe, from "Wings")
  • "Thank you for this award. It is a tribute to this great country that a man who once took a shot at Teddy Roosevelt could once again win back your trust." (Abe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "All right. We're here. Now let us never speak of the shortcut again." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Boy I miss the days when they made toys that could kill a kid." (Tim, from "Home Improvement")
  • "He's an O.K. guy. He just takes a little getting used to. I'm about 2 years away myself." (I don't recall)
  • "Just admit your life is over & take it like a man." (Tim, from "Home Improvement")
  • "How about forking some money over to PBS? You watch this channel, don't you? Don't be a freeloader." (Kramer, from "Seinfeld")
  • "Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I won't stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog!" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Are you aware that you just told a big fat lie?" (Lowell, from "Wings")
  • "The only advice my father ever gave me was, 'You may not be strong, you may not be smart, but you sure are a hairy little monkey.'" (Antonio, from "Wings")
  • "They're acting all high & mighty just because none of them ever got caught driving without pants." (Moe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Our lives are hanging in the balance & you're worried about a clock? If you weren't my boss I'd spank you." (Lowell, from "Wings")
  • "The Dewy Decimal System? What a scam that was! That Dewey guy really cleaned up on that one!." (Kramer, from "Seinfeld")
  • "I believe people with problems were put on Earth for my own amusement." (A co-host on that eMptyTV show where people called in with relationship problems)
  • "Uh-oh, my heart just stopped.....ah, there it goes!" (Barney, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Could you open the window? The cops have daddy's prints on file." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Congratulations, Joe. That was the worst flight I've ever been on, and I've been in a midair collision." (A character who's name I don't recall, from "Wings")
  • "Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?" (Herbert Powell, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I'm the big kahuna here. Do you have a problem with that?" (Larry Flynt, from "The People vs. Larry Flynt")
  • "Hot diggedy! I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!" (Abe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and let it out at the appropriate time. Like that time I hit that referee with a whiskey bottle." (Abe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Ohhhhhhh, lonliness & cheeseburgers are a deadly mix." (Comic Book Guy, from "The Simpsons")
  • "You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court." (Dr. Nick, from "The Simpsons")
  • "There's a lot of cocaine in that motherfucker. How'd they get the damned thing closed?" (Larry Flynt, in "The People vs. Larry Flynt")
  • "How dare you take advantage of my blithering idiot!" (Ren, from "Ren & Stimpy")
  • "This sandwich is fresh! I just made it last week!" (Ren, from "Ren & Stimpy")
  • "Where've you been? I've been up all night sleeping like a baby worring about you!" (Ren, from "Ren & Stimpy")
  • "I'm not popular enough to be different." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "This guy's a Commie & he's spreading propaganda!" (Some kid, on "Seinfeld")
  • "I know when women don't like me. They'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him officer.'" (Some comedian)
  • "Aww, Homer, you know your money's no good here...Wait a minute! This money's real!" (Moe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Oh, I'm going to lose my job just because I'm dangerously unqualified!" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "We're a rock & roll band, and this is a rock & roll show. Makes going for a walk look like hard work." (Bono, of U2, during "Zoo TV -- Life in Sydney")
  • "Remember when I found you at Dinky Donuts? You were all hopped up on cinnamon swirls! They wouldn't serve you anymore! You wouldn't have any teeth if it wasn't for me taking you to Joe's Fruit Stand & stuffing cantelope down your throat!" (Kramer, from "Seinfeld")
  • "No offense, but we're putting that bitch on ice!" (Apu, from "The Simpsons")
  • "We've been seperated for a day & already I'm as dirty as a Frenchman!" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Get out here son! There's a doin's a transpirin'!" (A Shelbyvillian, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Shut the Hell up so I can have a good time watching this crap!" (Butthead, from "Beavis & Butthead")
  • "I haven't been to a doctor's office all my life & I'm not going to start now just becasue there's something wrong with me." (Grace's mother, in "Grace Under Fire")
  • "I'm taking your mother to a doctor. You don't have to come, but at least trip her into the trunk." (Grace's ex, from "Grace Under Fire")
  • "Aw, come on! Please, Your Honor?" (I don't recall)
  • "If my mom cooked like Cartman's, I'd be a big fat ass, too." (A character from "South Park")
  • "We're on this guy like stink on a monkey!" (Kramer, from "Seinfeld")
  • "I guess I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself back down again." (George, from "Seinfeld")
  • "Your phony credit card is no good here. Now make like my pants and split." (Comic Book Guy, from "The Simpsons")
  • "You in show business kid? You sure know how to make an entrance." (I don't recall)
  • "There, there. Shut up, boy." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "You gave away both dogs? You know how I feel about giving." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I can't eat with a blind man watching me." (Mr. Roper, from "Three's Company")
  • "It was too good an opportunity to pass up just because we sucked." (Marilyn Manson, in his book "The Long Hard Road Out of Hell")
  • "I can pull a better cartoon out of my a.....ha ha ha! Wasn't that great kids?" (Krusty, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I was wrong! Life is precious! Not a thing to be toyed with! Now take out that brain & flush it down the toilet." (Mr. Burns, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Heh, eggheads. Whadda they know?" (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I'm out of it for a little while & everyone gets delusions of grandeur." (Han Solo, in "Return of the Jedi")
  • "This is your pilot Al Swindler. This flight will be going non-stop to the other end of the airport, where we'll all have to get out and push, and, if any of you know what Miami looks like, gimmie a hint." (Al Swindler, from "Garfield & Friends")
  • "Rosebud...Yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas, full of country goodness & green pea-ness." (Orson Wells, from "The Critic")
  • "I don't carry a pen. I'm afraid it will puncture my scrotum." (George, from "Seinfeld")
  • "She's got a Pamper full of fright." (Danny, from "Full House")
  • "This is some party. If it gets any livelier, a funeral's gonna break out." (Larry, from "The Simpsons")
  • "All's I'm guilty of is bad taste." (Larry Flynt, in "The People vs. Larry Flynt")
  • "Don't be so melodramatic. You don't want to quit. I'm your dream client.I'm the most fun, I'm rich, & I'm always in trouble." (Larry Flynt, in "The People vs. Larry Flynt")
  • "I like obsessive people. They get things done." (I don't recall)
  • "Now son, be a sport & kill Blitzen." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I love that bathroom. It's got that high, high toilet. I feel like a gargoyle perched on the edge of a building." (George, from "Seinfeld")
  • "When vengence is in power, anyone can take a life." (Bruce Wayne, in "Batman Forever")
  • "In case of accidental ingestion, consult a mortition." (A tube of glue's warning, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Don't read at the table. Where're your manners?...Pass the damn potatoes." (Thelma, from "Mama's Family")
  • "'Cut to the chase?' What're you, Joe Hollywood all of a sudden?" (Jerry, from "Seinfeld")
  • "My kids think you're the greatest, and thanks to your gloomy music, they've stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly afford." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I've never seen you go over 25 miles per hour. You're like the Grand Marshall of the Rose Bowl Parade." (Jerry, from "Seinfeld")
  • "It was almost as if Paul's sarcasm had aroused the anger of the lunch gods, and they smote him with 4 oz. of ground beef & a can of tomato sauce." (Kevin, from "The Wonder Years")
  • "Since you're so sure about what it ain't, how about telling us what it am?" (Moe, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Here's something any flag-fearing American would be glad to have. The M-320. Celebrate the independence of your country by blowing up a small chunk of it." (Convenience store operator [not Apu], from "The Simpsons")
  • "You work yourself stupid for this family. If anyone deserves to be wrapped up in seaweed & buried in mud, it's you." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "Dying don't change a person. He's still cheap, God rest his soul." (Thelma, from "Mama's Family")
  • "People do. I don't." (Kramer, from "Seinfeld")
  • "Professors are nothing to be afraid of...Oh no. It's [Mr.] Hemmings He's the only professor to make me cry." (The big character, from "Saved by the Bell: The College Years")
  • "I'm gonna need a beer. The only way to keep from going crazy around here is to stay half lit." (Thelma, from "Mama's Family")
  • "If she was any calmer she'd be a doily." (Thelma, from "Mama's Family")
  • "You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to a speedy butt kick. My fist can and will be used against you. If you choose to scream, you screams will not be heard above my laughter." (Chett, from "Weird Science")
  • "Fix out streets & highways? That's not my job. My job is to sit in that big ol' chair and be the mayor." (Mayor Robert "Bob" White, from "Doug")
  • "If I wanted alotta smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of ciggarettes & a short length of hose." (Mall security guard, from "The Simpsons")
  • "I'm not usually a praying man, but if you're up there, please help me, Superman." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "What greed! He won't let me have all of them!" (Garfield, from "Garfield & Friends")
  • "Stop whining. That's why we didn't invite your mother." (I don't recall)
  • "To think I turned to a cult for mindless happiness when I had beer all along." (Homer, from "The Simpsons")
  • "There's a place 2 blocks up the street from me called 'Hair World.' Worst restaurant I've ever ate in." (Some comedian)