Joseph:: Proceed, Dark Emperor
Dark Emperor of Jade:: Witnesses have caught this man crawling out your window at exactly two this morning. How do you explain yourself?
Joseph:: Obviously he escaped before his torture was complete, seeing as how he was still moving under his own power.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: What did he do to earn the wrath of Joseph?
Joseph:: I noticed him rifling through my mailbox. I felt quite sorry afterwards when I noticed the UPS symbol on the bag he left as he fled for his life.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: What is your policy on pie?
Joseph:: I have no problem with any pie of any kind, other than cow pie.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: The rumour online is that you and Gina [my ex], when getting it on, tend to dress up for the occasion. One such enterprising young lad managed to snap this picture of your last rampant sexual encounter with the woman. Is this in fact you?
Joseph:: Although I am quite a beast when provoked by her, I am afraid that that image may have been mixed up with the real one that the photographer took.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: Do you feel that this picture is in fact an accurate portrayal at your raw sexual talents?
Joseph:: I think that it does, although the female should really be roaring in pleasure if the image is to be accurate.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: What do you see in this following picture?
Joseph:: A black, furry carrot, with plier pincers at the end, and a claw at the other end.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: Good to know that you are still saner than most people.
Joseph:: They probably would've cheated and looked at the file name, to find out it's just an ink blot.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: This following individual was seen leaping dynamically from your bedroom window while you were at work. What accounting can you give to her strange behavior?
Joseph:: Obviously she knew I was connected to you, and wanted to abduct me and have me take her to you.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: If you had 30 seconds, alone with this cow, what would you do?
Joseph:: I would probably watch its head wobble back and forth, like I just did for 30 seconds.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: There are rumours to you being a "sell out" and in fact abandoning Styxxville after it's purchasing by Microsoft. The question is, have you became a bloated fat-cat millionare willing to abandon all morals, ethics and what was once a growing fanbase?
Joseph:: I would never abandon all morals and ethics. Even if I were to sell my hugest accomplishment here [i.e. online], I would still have all my fans, because it was I who made what they're a fan of, and they can't stop liking something they like just because of something to do with the person who made it, for that has no effect on the thing they like.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: Very reliable sources say that the bed in your room is no ordinary bed, but built upon the architecture of insanity, leading many to the asylum because their psyche can not handle the abnormal psychology imbued within that mattress. How do you respond to this accusation?
Joseph:: Although many people would like to accompany me to that bed, only two have actually slept on the said bed, and they have not gone insane, so I feel as though the accusations are simply those -- accusations. In fact, if it had such a great power as to drive the sleeper insane, I would not only share it with others, but invite over those I do not like, get them hammered, then have them pass out onto the bed.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: So it is entirely fictional that your bed has anything to do with insanity?
Joseph:: Although Gina usually is panting and shaking when she leaves it, I can assure you that she is not insane, just more pleased than the average woman would be when leaving a bed.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: Panting and shaking? Are you sure it is not some hereditary nervous disorder that could be fatal?
Joseph:: I'm quite sure. Even the average woman is breathless after simply viewing me in passing, so after what Gina receives in the "insanity bed" of course she'll be a little more worked up.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: It is fact that in recent months, Manowar and Rammstein have met and collaborated material for unknown reasons. Can good actually come from this?
Joseph:: Good can come from anything. What is bad to one is good to another. What comes from the collaboration is as good as what the listener thinks of it.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: That is all the questions I have for you.... for now. I thank you for surviving many hours of sleep-deprivation to answer them to the best of your ability.
Joseph:: I appreciate you taking the time to do this with me. I hope one day we can do this again.
Dark Emperor of Jade:: I'm sure it will. You can not escape me.